Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
