awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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