We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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