My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
