this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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