Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
