I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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