He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
