he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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