it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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