4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
