I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
