Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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