i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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