she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
