haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
