i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
