nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
