dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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