the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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