also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just took my morning after pill in the library
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When are your genitals available?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
