I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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