I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
