so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
