This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
