So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can I color on your dick again?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
