we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
