Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
