True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
