So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
