I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
