dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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