i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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