god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Enjoy the penises
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
