sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
