Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
