I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
