Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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