I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
