i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
