So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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