I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I want is dick and wine.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
