You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
