Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
