I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
