she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
