Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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