My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
