Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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