Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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