my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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