Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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