he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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