What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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