I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
