so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
