apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
