Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
