his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize