I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
