So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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