it hurts more in the daytime
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize