I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
