i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
