Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just had sex on a roof
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need a beard to bite.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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