put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
