before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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