So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
