I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
