so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize