was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
