Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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