Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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